Which one are you?
A decade ago, it would be outrageous to see an Pakistani girl in a club, smoking or roaming the streets after 9pm without her dad, brother or mum. Today we can spot Pakistani women after 9pm,sporting the latest fashion trends and hanging out with boys. Gone are the days when they had to meet boys 30 miles from their home and before 6pm.
The last decade has witnessed a dramatic transformation in the term ‘typical’ or ‘traditional’ Pakistani women in terms of attitude and dress. What does a typical Pakistani women look like? Does she wear shalwar kameeze with a duppata on her head with her gaze lowered? Or does she wear a pair of skinnies, t-shirt, heels and a short bob? Chances are the latter image will not come to your head. But,why? Look around you and you will see hundreds of Pakistani women all looking different. When the word traditional comes into our head we think of an innocent, homely woman who wears traditional clothing and can make a tasty curry with round chapattis. Why can’t the two images fuse together to represent the modern Pakistani woman who knows that Tibet, isn’t just a cream that promises fair skin and who has travelled further than India or Pakistan? This is the woman I want to converse with in the street and exchange in dialogue about politics, economics, culinary delights and the latest Bollywood flick.
When Destiny’s Child sang ‘Independent women’ millions of women all over the world clapped their hands, moved their feet and sang along. Pakistani women are not often linked with the word independent and are instead portrayed as weak and submissive. We can find Pakistani women in the city, holding their own as doctors, lawyers and accountants. Today’s Pakistani woman is educated, sophisticated and has a good balance of eastern and western influences and is anything but weak and submissive.
Let us help break the stigma associated with Pakistani women by recognising that they are sassy, intelligent women who can hold down a job, raise children kids keep a home.
What is a ball breaker? Is it a woman who is good at her job because of her intellect and won’t entertain slackers in the work place? Why do we fear women who aren’t afraid to voice their opinion or come down on their co-workers like a ton of bricks if they screw up? When men or women think of a female ball breaker, what images comes to their mind? A short, fat, testosterone high female ? Can a ball breaker ever be normal, compassionate, nice and intelligent? In the work place we often fear women who aren’t shy to come forward or tell it how it is. Both sexes cower when they speak and muster a hello when they walk by. What makes us decide a woman is a ball breaker? Power, intellect, control, respect, equality, desire to do well? Why shouldn’t a woman lay the down the law at work and be heard or just succeed at what she does. We live in a male dominated society in which men make up most boardroom numbers. So, I welcome these powerful no nonsense, intelligent and confident women who can keep it real with the ballers and big boys. So, next time you come across a confident women admire her, for her strength and confidence. The ultimate high flyer woman is one who lures us with her charm and wit and is not afraid to work hard and be heard.
London is a commuter’s nightmare and getting from A to B, can sometimes take longer than travelling to another city.
You can catch the tube and be forced to get up close and personal with your fellow commuters. Eye contact is avoided on the tube as is making polite chitchat. So where do you look? At the countless Viagra, phone and insurance ads? Alternatively, do you look at the celling or at the floor? Most choose to look down. As you look down you notice people’s shoes. You see designer, sports, simple, crazy and Primark’s finest shoes on display. Some you will admire and think damn I want those shoes, whereas others you will think, did you leave the house without looking at the mirror this morning. Have you never heard of shoe polish? So, if you’re travelling by tube ensure your shoes are on trend and clean. There is no excuses for poor foot wear.
If you’re a high flyer, you can travel by taxi and have the luxury of being stuck in traffic for hours and forced to listen to your cab driver swear a million times. ‘Can’t you see where you are going, you prat’. ‘Does your dad own the road’? Be wary of what cab you choose as it could cost you your life and time. If you go with a cabbie whose dream was to be a Formula one racer, you may throw up and stink of puke. If you get a cabbie, who should have won the lead role in Driving miss Daisy, you will die of boredom and frustration, but get to see London in slow motion. Therefore, the rule of catching a cab is to shout loudly, put your hand out and say oi cabby you are booked.
If the rising costs of commuting are getting you down, then you can always opt to walk or cycle. Please ensure you have the correct footwear when walking. Walking heels will give you bunions and back pain. Yes, we know heels make our legs looks slimmer and that Nike Air trainers do not go well with miniskirts. However, it is a small price to pay if you do not want ugly feet with callous and bunions. If you must cycle, then remember Lycra is your friend and avoid bright colours during the day unless you are cycling to the carnival. Always wear a helmet. A helmet will ruin your blow-dried hair you spent ages styling. However, a helmet is better than spending hours in A and E, unless you want to date a hunky Dr. But, how many hot Dr are there?
If you fancy a bit of sightseeing and travelling at a good pace, then the bus is your friend. It’s ok to make idle chit chat on the bus and you don’t have to stare at the floor or the celling. You can be antisocial and play on your IPhone or Whatsapp all your contacts. You also get to spot the sights and if you are lucky, you will get a window seat. The best thing about the bus is that they run all night and it’s cheaper than catching the tube. Therefore, you can use the extra cash to splash out on a new pair of shoes. Go and treat yourself.
Therefore, as a Londoner, you are spoilt by the choices of public transport available.
Beaches, happiness, less clothes, margaritas a killer tan….I bet wrinkles and skin cancer don’t spring to mind at all. Every year millions of women hit the sunbed, beaches or chemist counters all in the hope of becoming a bronze goddess. With so many fake tans available how is a girl supposed to find the perfect one? Do I want an all over natural glow or a deep bronze tan?
Ladies, the key to applying a fake tan is ensuring your face and neck match. You don’t want people to comment on your fake tan, but to say wow you look healthy and your skins glowing. Remember not to use white towels as they will look all stained and people may assume they are skid marks and not fake tan marks. Always exfoliate your skin before applying fake tan. I’m not talking about rubbing your skin so hard it looks sore and red. Just a little dry brushing, before you apply the fake tan. After you’ve applied the fake tan, remember to moisturise well so your skin looks all soft and silky. Don’t over moisturise that you look like a grease ball.
When hitting the beach to develop the perfect tan, the trick is to find the perfect spot. The perfect spot should be in the middle of the beach and surrounded by hot, tall volley ball players and near the sea. Once you’ve sorted out your deck chair, got yourself a glass of lemonade and rearranged your bikini for the hundredth time so your stomach doesn’t bulge you’re ready to start tanning. Ah wait ladies. Have you put on any sun tan lotion? You don’t want to end up like a dried prune or like a burnt lobster do you? So be safe, and get some strapping hunk of a man to rub that lotion into your skin. Once the lotion sets in, lie back and let the sun’s rays work their magic.
Once you’ve achieved the perfect tan, and by perfect we don’t mean looking like you’ve been tangoed or like a tomato. Think more Gisele and less Jordan and you can’t go wrong. Please note that you do not need to don fake eyelashes, nails or too much bronzer to compliment your tan. You want to look natural and not like a tranny or lady boy.
How many of you have been on a blind date? Or had someone try to set you up on one? Come on, don’t lie if you have. How scary can a blind date be? Well if you feel like poking your eyes so you’re blind because you can’t bear to look at your date, then girl you have every reason to scream and run. The build-up to a blind date can be exciting or nervous. You could experience panic attacks or waves of excitement. Please listen carefully and learn the ten commandments of blind dating.
1. Always demand a recent full body length or head shot photo. We don’t care how hot our date looked ten years or ago or if they were a cute baby. We want to know if you’re hot now and have your own hair and teeth.
2. Engage in at least one or two telephone conversations before you meet. A crazy accent can be a deal breaker. Seriously ladies do you want to listen to a freshy accent until the day you die. Now give us a French accent any day of the week.
3. Entertain a few text conversations. The purpose of this exercise is to see if he can read, write and spell. Do you really want a man who can’t spell or writes as if he should be auditioning for a Hip Hop video?
4. Arrange to meet sooner or later. If he’s butt ugly, it doesn’t matter how great you get on the phone, he’s never going to get near you. Some men are great on the phone, but in person they turn into social recluses. Ladies you want a man who can talk and listen face to face.
5. Decide to meet up in a public place. He may be a serial killer or worse still just not hot. At least you do a quick sharp exit.
6. Do not let your date pick you up. That way you’re stuck with him if you live far and can’t get home.
7. Find out his first and surname and do a quick Google, FB and LinkedIn search to find out what he looks like. If he doesn’t have a picture at least you can find out more about him.
8. Dress to kill and make sure you have a can of mace in your handbag in case he tries it and you have to scarper.
9. Don’t tell your date any personal details, in case you don’t like the look of him. A stalker is never a good best friend to have.
10. If your date is more than half an hour late and doesn’t pick up his phone, chances are he isn’t dying or stuck in traffic. You’ve been stood up, so hold your head up high and walk away.
If you follow these rules you will successfully survive your first blind date. Don’t forget you don’t have to be too polite. If he doesn’t float your boat, ditch his sorry ass.
Why are we so obsessed with being fair and lovely? What is it that makes us scour the shelves of cut price supermarkets and chemists in the hope of lightening our skins a few shades lighter? There are hundreds of creams that promise to make us look whiter and prettier. They aim to make us look like an English rose, but in reality we end up looking more like a tranny or Michael Jackson. Why are we never satisfied with what we have?
If we are tanned we want to be fair and if were fair we either want to be fairer or tanned. English people hit the sun beds and hot destinations in the hope of looking like bronzed goddesses.
Chinese women use umbrellas to ward of the sun. I never knew umbrellas could be so versatile and here’s me thinking they are just designed to stop our hair from getting frizzy by the rain and our mascara running.
Pakistani and Indian women seek the shade of trees to keep their skin looking fair and glowing.
So, what is the ideal skin colour, milky white as Casper the ghost or charcoal black that the teeth only show in the dark? Ladies, you don’t want to look like a Benetton advert with your skin tone being different shades, so ditch the sun bed and lightening cream and love the colour you are.
I am a tanned lady who loves a bit of colour on my face, so I welcome any hint of sun. But when I caught a tan recently my beautician scrubbed my face so hard I thought my cheeks were going to bleed. Why did she do this? She didn’t like my tan and wanted to fade it. I didn’t ask her to do this though, but her perception of beauty is fair skin. I was not deemed pretty with my glowing tan. I left the salon looking all red faced. Why couldn’t she just accept the fact that I am a tanned lady who loves a bit of glow to my cheeks.
Fellas, have you ever found yourself in situations when you just don’t know what to say. Do you say the first thing that pops into your head and then wonder why you’ve got a slap across your face. Well, then you’ve come to the right place. I’m going to teach you what to say when faced with awkward questions from women.
Does my bum look big in this?
Fellas even if you think damn you’ve got a whole lot of junk in that trunk and an ass that JLo would love, don’t say it out loud. The correct answer is, why of course not dear. Your bum does not look big at all and you look gorgeous. When is it ok to lie to a partner and what can you lie about?
Do you think I talk too much?
Sweetheart, you could give. BT a run for its money and the phrase you can talk for Britain was invented for you….wrong answer. Of course not, you talk just the right amount and I love listening to you. Yes I am paying attention and I know what you just said.
Does my mum annoy you?
Every time I see your mother I want to run for the hills and just the sound of her voice gives me a headache. How did the hell did that woman give birth to you. You poor thing. Don’t even think about, saying that out loud. Most men can’t stand their mother in laws and love them as much as they love a bullet to their head. So what should you say? I like seeing your mother, she’s such a delight and you two are so alike?
Do you fancy me?
Fellas what do you think when your date asks you if you fancy her. If you fancy your date, then it’s a no brainer. Hell yeah I think you’re so hot and I can’t stop thinking about you naked and what I want to do to you. Hold on a second. You don’t want her to think you’re only after her because she’s hot. Even if that’s the case. Think about the answer carefully. The correct answer is, I think you’re the most stunning woman I’ve ever come across and your personality coupled with your intellect top the icing on the cake. If your date looks like the back end of a bus and you can’t bear looking at her anymore, then it’s time to get out of there. But, think about your answer unless you want screams, tears and a black eye. So what should you say? I think you’re a great girl and have a great personality. We should keep in touch and please excuse me as I need to make a quick phone call. Now run as fast as you can and don’t look back.
Now I can’t guarantee that you won’t ever get slapped again, but at least you’ll learn to think before you speak. Remember fellas women are delicate creatures and should be handled with care. But damn you, if you piss them of as hell have no fury when a woman is scorned. She won’t think twice about hacking of your balls, shredding your clothes or kicking you out into the cold. So, the trick is to listen and just do as she says and say very little. Good luck and don’t forget to think before you speak.